What is wrong with me?
July 17, 2008 — jenna-chee
So many things happened in my life since I’m living at KL. I’m learned a lots from my life experiences. Happy things that happens seems to be very few and can be easily be forgotten but not for the sad one; where it will always stay even though we had always try so hard to erase them all. Some of those difficult and filled with sorrow path; where I once lost friendship because of love, lost closeness after so many incidents happens between my roommates & housemates… but unfortunately, no matter how sad, sorrow, horrible or terrible it was… life always goes on.
Sometimes, I’m quite lonely here and really wish I could opens up myself to get close and friends with my new roommates and housemates… but in the end, I let myself staying in the corner, to be very quiet and keep everything to myself. I wanted to share and care for them but in the end, I was acting the other way round to just don’t want to bother, concern or care any single things about them. I know that they may think that I don’t want to mix with them and am not
friendly. I can understand the reason why they misunderstand about me.
Well, to tell you the truth, one of the reason I put myself out of the group is because of I know one of my housemates talking or gossip about me behind my back. I’ve been having and carrying this thought that, since they already misunderstand about me, there’s nothing for me to go explain about and to just let them be; as me, myself know what’s right and what’s not… will do (Well, this makes me thought of a Cantonese and/or Chinese phase “the sky have eyes”… hahaha =D… very funny). I believe what goes around comes around. While the second reason will be that the disappointment I faced before who I categorized them as my favorite roommates; once who I trusted and treated her as my best friend and the other one who I thought she was very friendly and having good impression with, turns out to be the upside down… reminds me of a phase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” (=_=).
After all these things happened to me, how am I suppose to easily trust and to get close with my new roommates and housemates now? It is not that I don’t want to. On the other hand, I really wish and desperate to be really friends and close with them but… it is just so hard for me. It was like I’m having some kind of mentally sickness. I wonder why all this happens to me? It seems likes I’m the only one who have this problem but not them. Am I having a psychology problem here? What is wrong with me? Does anxiety takes over me? …Like I’ve become unreliable? Damn.
15 July 2008
