♥ Jenna’s Blog: Just @bout Anything ♥

Recently
there are lots of thing happened… I’ve been so heart broken and
sad over it. I admit that life is like this… has its ups and
downs… and there are many different kinds of people in this world.
I always heart broken causes by someone else, especially who is your
friends and close to you. I have a friend who I once treated her as
my close / best friend and was my best roommate before… but she
always again and again makes me disappointed. Now I understand that
money does spoiled one friendship. I understand her situation but I
didn’t expect her to treat me that way. I’m very heart broken as
so far I’ve always believe in her. Now she is leaving, without
losing anything or any single money… but left us behind with the
burden. I thought friendship should share and bear together… but I
was wrong.

I know
that I’m not supposing to written something that sensitive in my
blog here and I didn’t mean to attention this to them… I just
felt sad and want to express out my feeling here. I hope this doesn’t
make her feel bad… But anyway, I do want to let her know that I do
cherish and appreciate our friendship before and I’m sincere with
our friendship. We were once so close and I trusted her a lot. You
all may not know or aware that my tears are falling while I’m
typing all this… but, this is all the truth.

Besides
her, I did have another one friend who I had always been sincerely
and truly be friend with her. I admitted that sometimes I did doesn’t
like her and thought that she is rude as a girl… until I found out
that she is talking bad behind my back which is all not true. Again I
felt heart broken and disappointed of the friendship that I had had
with her so far. Sometimes, I did questioning myself whether when the
times we had spent together were all truly from the heart or she is a
faker. I kept on asking myself that why they treated me this way? Did
I done anything bad or wrong? Well, I don’t want to talk anything
bad further on those stories behind it as it won’t be any changes
on what had happened. Once the heart is broken, it will always leave
a scar there. It does hurt a lot… but I believe it will slowly been
forgotten. I didn’t angry at them but on the other hand, I felt so
sad… very sad.

Some
may have the thoughts that I’m not bad looking, I have friends
around me, whenever I need help, it will always be there for me… to
tell you the truth, I have nothing that always brings happiness or
benefits to me, myself! I’m not that kind of person who takes
advantages on others! All I have is my true self and I don’t like
pretending to be someone else, I didn’t hate anyone and I’m
always forgiving. Please, don’t treat me this way… it hurt.

All
this really “open up my eyes”… Furthermore, it makes me more
appreciated those good friends I have in my life. I will never forget
those who have been good to me. I’ll treasure them all and it will
always remains in my mind, heart and soul. It makes me realized the
heaven and the evil side of friendship… Shall I thanks to God for
me to experience and to meet with these different kinds of people? I
think I should. God is always watching from the above… What goes
around always comes around.

-
16 February 2008 -

Today I was so happy…
Didn’t sleep for the whole night and then straight away went up to Genting
Highland at 6:00am!! That was the craziest thing I ever done. Well, it is very
nice mix with my housemates and one of my housemate uncles. At first we having
dinner together near by at downstairs and then we all sitting there where
everyone seems to get stuck in their chair chatting all the way. As it was
Saturday night, we all planned not to sleep that early and suggested to go to
the Ampang Mount, Gasoline café. This was the second time I been there together
with them. I kind of very like the place there as it is on top of the mountain
and we can see a very breath-taking night scenery view of KL, which include KL
Tower and the KLCC, Twin Tower.

            After having a drink
and chit chatting all the way at there until they going to closed on 3am, we
went out to some other place to have supper… from there we ate “Bat Kut The” at
some where near Chow Kit…. Finally, after that we went up to Genting highland.
LOL… Cit can be lots of fun where I’m out of the blue and the “aunty life”
after work… and of cause everything have their pay off… it is also quite tiring
due to lack of sleep. When we are at Genting, we also went to the Casino…
trying to gamble about RM10-20 on the jackpot lines machine, play games &
etc. Oh –ya… 1 thing that I’m really happy and excited about was when I play
the basketball video games. I didn’t thought I could get a great goals… I even
score up to 95! I’m very proud of it though as I score up the points all by
myself… even though I seldom usually play those kind of games one… (*even my
housemate uncles only managed to score very little where they throwing all the
balls together*… Hehe… ^^). LOL… What a wonderful day that I wish to be
remembered. Having lots of fun =) 

~ 20 January 2008 ~

Since I came to KL,
many things had changed… I admit that I am as well. I didn’t used to be as
cheerful, crazy and active like the previous me when I’m still studying at my
home ground, Penang. I’m slowly changed and becoming more introvert type of
person now. As I stepped in working life, everything becomes more reality… most
people are protecting themselves… no longer can I easily find any true or
sincere friend… even if I do, it will be only within the range of my 5 fingers.
Loneliness had become a part of me and it never leaves me. No matter how far I
may go, it will always in the darkness shadow of mine.

Whenever I have free
time or didn’t work on weekends, I choose to stay at home often. I’m just
seldom go mix with others. For example my working place… sometimes, when I saw
my other colleagues laughing on their jokes and chit chatting all the way… I
just don’t seem to know on how to join them or to fix myself in. I only do all
the talking only when they approached me but not the other way round. I know
this is not the way I really want it to be from within deep inside me. I have
always wished to escape and be as free as the dove… Or maybe one of the reasons
is that I’m single? Sometimes, it does make me wonder that if to have a
“companion” can really help to set my heart free.

Whenever I’m
searching for my hiding place; a place where I can call my own, where I can
share my up and downs with… I just kept on losing trace… I could found no one who
I can really run to. This kind of feelings was just like I’m living alone in my
own world; a field of pure white snow. There is nothing for me to complain much
about it, I just accept the way I am. Maybe one warmest hug may safe me, shelter
me from harm and lightens up my entire burdens? I know this kind of silly
question will be always left unanswered. I think… that it may be just an
innocent and naive thought of mine. To tell you the truth, sometimes my tears
can just simply falling from my eyes without knowing the reason why… and yet no
one can help me rub the tears away and no one can even see those tears of mine;
tears that crying from my heart.

Today, I was so happy
that my colleagues invited me to join them for dinner. It is just an
unforgettable day… where I can laugh happily together with them, the way
where I have missed; a laugh where I had long forgotten to. Laughter may be a
good medicine to cure and lightens our soul but it doesn’t last. All the
happiness that I had had in my life seems to be very few and it can be just
easily fade away. As I know happiness may gradually ceasing to be visible from
our thought or mind, here I’ve written in down to be remembered.

The sadness part in
my life is all those sad memories that I had always tried so hard to erase them
all… but can never succeed. I believe human heart is always “fragile”. Once the
heart is hurt, it will forever leave the scar even though they are recovering
from hurt. Life can be very unique and special as our destiny folds; the journey
of our life will always await us… for us to explore. I believe someday
somehow God will answer to my prayer and grant my wish to come true and from
there I will find my true happiness. As I played my part here, I always remind
myself… no matter what my future holds, I will hide my every tears, to be
strong and try my very best to move on. Even though I may live in the world of
my own, I shall never forget this… “Never easily give up your life”.

~ 16 January 2008 ~